Ending Things with Negative People

 

Have you ever had someone that was close to you, always seem to shoot down every single one of your ideas?

Does it seem like they are holding you back from achieving more out of your life?

Me and my best friend have known each other since grade 7. We both grew up in very conservative households and shared a lot of similar outlooks in life, at least during those years. We both went to the same high schools and stuck together through all of the crap that life handed to us. Our friendship has been tested many times especially in these last 2 years but as of late, its gotten to the point where we no longer see things eye to eye any more. It seems like we’ve hit a point of no return. I saw this coming months back. This past year and a half has really strained our friendship. It’s like our values and ideals have completely changed. The things we used to love talking about and doing are no longer the same.

It feels like they have embraced the dark side of life while I chose to try and stay in the light side. They have been trying to encourage me to partake in more and more hedonistic and risky endeavours. You know, like sex, drugs, gambling, excessive spending, etc and when I refuse to go through with it, that’s when things get complicated.

I have a feeling or a hunch that one day we will meet again and we will get into some big fight or argument or something. Kind of like those movies and stories you read about where two best friends from childhood drifted off. One went and worked under a dictator or tyrant while the other went off and become a protégé to a mentor at the other end of the spectrum.

I’ve noticed in the last couple of months that they have been taking jabs at me a lot and trying to put me down. I’m not sure if they are aware of it or if its a subconscious thing, but its getting to the point where I’m sick and tired of having people like this in my life. I remember a few months back when I suggested to them that I should try and get a English teaching job in Europe. They responded like this “Why would anyone want to hire you to teach English in Europe?, They already speak English there”. It kind of pissed me off and was a really ignorant thing to say because I have encountered numerous job postings all throughout Europe mainly in Eastern Europe like Russian or Poland, with a few in Czech Republic and Spain. After looking at the salaries for these teaching jobs however, I decided it was too low and I would only realistically break even if that, so next I considered Asia like my best friend suggested.

Now when I let them know about this a few weeks later, once again I got resistance. They said I was being afraid and running away from my problems here in Canada. At that time, I really saw teaching overseas in China or Korea as my best option for getting out of this financial rut because I would have made enough money to support myself and also have some money left over to save or pay off some of my student debt. The working hours were only about 16-24 hours max which would have left me with plenty of time to either tutor students privately which was where the big money could have been made or looking for an internship at a Chinese or International company to help network and gain some work experience. In either case, the benefits far outweighed the costs, but once again I did not get much support from them. Up until last year I had never even stepped foot outside of this country and province. I had asked them numerous times throughout the years to come join me on a vacation to either the USA or somewhere else. Every single time I was met with excuses. Oh I don’t have any money right now, or I don’t have any time to go on vacation they would say. I eventually got sick of hearing these excuses and felt I was being held back from seeing the world so I said “screw it” and just got on a bus by myself and headed over to the states one day. I felt invigorated and free when I accomplished this task, not having to rely on anyone for my own happiness.

Eventually this lead to me venturing off into Europe by myself this year as well, as I had asked them once again if they wanted to come with me to Europe. As predicted more lame excuses followed. So I left and went abroad by myself. Before I left however, I was once again being criticized by them for going there but should have stayed here instead or should have waited to go on a mutual friends trip to somewhere I had no interest in going. Which I speculate was to help them save on hotel costs. When I got back home from Europe and hung out with them one day, I told them about my plans of starting my own business.They responded “most businesses fail”. As we were droving along the road later that day, we pasted by several mansions. I told him I wanted to one day own a house like that. He told me that I would never be able to afford one of those houses and that it would take me multiple generations before I can buy a house like that. At that point onwards, I knew they didn’t have my best interests at heart and was rather looking for ways to cut me down to make themselves feel better about themselves.

It’s because of this constant negative attitude that I keep on encountering from them that I decided not to share with them my plans of starting a freelance business which is almost ready to be launched. I know if I had told them, they would have quickly dismissed it and said I was wasting my time.

Today we had a disagreement again after not speaking for over a month, and they told me that they can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t share the same view points as them, so I told them fine then, I don’t think I can be friends with someone like that too.

From this point onwards, I consider our friendship dissolved. It was very difficult to let it end like this but I feel its the best decision, as they have done nothing except hold me back. Perhaps now I am free to realize my full potential and can meet people who will actually build me up instead of tearing me down.

Have you guys ever had to cut negative and unsupportive people out of your lives before?

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2 thoughts on “Ending Things with Negative People

  1. When I was younger I used to worry about people (‘friends’) who made comments like these. The older I get the more I realise I need to surround myself with positivity. Unfortunately this seems to mean fewer friends than before, but then again I feel lighter and freer without their draining influence. Life is short and there’s no point wasting time with those that drag you down.

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    1. I’ve been reading from various sources that say the more you try to improve your life and grow, the more people will resent you and leave you behind. They feel inadequate because they are too afraid to do something about their situation so in order to feel better about themselves they try to cut you down. Its like they are projecting their own insecurities onto you. They say success is a lonely place and you won’t have a lot of friends at the top. Ever since I’ve embarked on this journey of self improvement and positive lifestyle changes, I’m noticed I’ve been getter fewer and fewer friends, but that’s ok. These people were just holding me down. One of my new goals in the future is to network and connect with like minded individuals who will build me up and not tear me down.

      It’s kind of funny that when your at rock bottom or during rough times people who are close to you just ditch you, but as soon as they see you have some success or they need something, they all flock back to you.

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